This blog post has been a long time coming. I actually wrote 5 versions of it, but over the weekend I scrapped them all together, again!
The latest version was too structured, to “researchy”, and failed to capture the real essence of what I’m trying to get across. So what exactly am I trying to get across here?
Here it goes…
People “like me” are not supposed to succeed, and not expected to succeed… simple!
“Like Me”?
Well… 33+ years ago on October 24, 1978 I was born in the greatest city in the world, Vancouver Canada. It wasn’t until 2+ years later that I was diagnosed with a moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears. The doctors thought I had a mental disability because I wasn’t responding to people talking, nor could I say 1 word of English and they somehow equated my odd walking abilities with a mental disability. I have no idea how the 2 correlate but who cares! I often resorted to a light form of violence to communicate and get someone’s attention. So needless to say, I did not have a mental disability, but I did have a hearing loss. Phew!
So What Happens Next?
So at the time in 1980 technology was kind of sucky but apparently they had a way of detecting the severity of my loss, and that they did. I had a moderate to severe sloping hearing loss in both ears. The sloping part means that in “high frequency” sounds like paper rustling, regular speech, or someone whispering I had a lot of trouble hearing, but was able to detect “low frequency” sounds like an airplane flying above, or a a big truck honking its horn. But of course relying on low frequency hearing was not enough… so I was fitted with hearing aids, which at the time looked like big clunky cream colored pieces of plastic that often whistled, flopped around when I walked or simply did not work at all. I was also enrolled in a special school that works with hearing impaired kids to learn how to speak, hear, learn life skills and get up to speed to age level. So hear I am at almost age 3 with the ability to hear something that somewhat resembles normal hearing and placed in a special school with other kids “like me”.
The special school program was 3 years long, and I finished it in half that time… while fully integrating into the public school system in Vancouver. So I succeeded right? Well, sort of. Now I’m in a regular school with other kids NOT like me. They didn’t have to worry about constant feedback, batteries dying out, moisture build up in the tubes, the often rainy Vancouver weather causing havoc on my hearing aids, the inability to separate speech and the irritating background noises that plague our world and on and on and on.
Where am I going with this?
By no means am I writing this post to have you feel bad for me, express your apologies, etc… I am simply educating because frankly, that’s what I spent a lot of my time doing when I hit grade school. I relied heavily on lip reading, and many of my classmates found this really interesting. To me it was a means of survival because it allowed me to pick up more understanding of speech without having to actually hear it. Through this “coolness” of my crazy lip reading abilities I befriended someone who became my best friend, and to this day is a very good friend of mine. He had perfect hearing but somehow learned the fine art of lip reading, so we would communicate during class, and he would make sure I was understanding everything that was going on in the classroom. He was a good guy!
I was an average student, but I was full of ideas. I often dreamt about these ideas but rarely acted on them because I truly did fear failure. The best thing that ever happened to me when I was young was my parents putting me into organized sports. I found an instant love for competing, particularly in soccer and baseball. I was the smartest player on the field and leveraged my “6th sense” as I call it to overcome my inability to hear to be better than my opponents. I could never explain exactly how I did this, I just said I did it. It really served me well during my days of playing high school basketball and having absolutely no hearing because of sweat “konking out” my hearing aids. Yet, I knew exactly what was happening, what was going to happen, when my teammates and coaches were going to communicate with me. I even knew when my peers sitting in the stands were screaming at me!!
My Fears!
People thought I was the strongest guy they ever knew. On the exterior I showed extreme confidence, particularly in sports, but on the inside it was a constant battle facing my fears, warding off things that would easily knock my confidence. It was exhausting but that’s all I ever knew… completely perseverance. It was either persevere with what I could do or simply fizzle out and become nothing. Not only was I hearing impaired, I had a speech impediment! This impediment developed, I think, by the time I was around 12 years old. I know that stuttering runs on my dad’s side of the family, but I knew that because I was hearing impaired, any impediment would be magnified 10 fold. I have worked with Myers Briggs during the course of my HR career, and when measured against the “E” extrovert versus “I” introvert factors, I am 100% extrovert. This made sense to me, but when it came to speaking, particularly in public I was 100% introvert. I ended up at the point where I absolutely feared speaking up during class. I would often play the “dumb card”…. “I dunno…” or something ridiculous like that to avoid at all costs speaking. I was truly embarrassed. Of course I was getting help to overcome this problem, and sure it kind of worked. But I knew it was more psychological than anything… I often related my life to sports analogy. It was the only way I truly could make sense of anything, and I do it to this very day! As long as it involves the Vancouver Canucks I’m good!
What Did I Do?
I was watching a baseball game one weekend afternoon and one of the starting pitchers was a guy by the name of Jim Abbott. Jim Abbott pitched in the major leagues without a right hand. He actually threw and caught the baseball with his left-hand. You’re probably asking yourself, “how the hell did he do that”? I asked myself that as well. I bought his autobiography at the time, and read it cover to cover, particularly the part where he explains in clear detail how he does “the switch” as he called it when he had to go from throwing the ball to catching it. Incredible! This inspired me! After seeing this guy reach the majors and also pitch a no-hitter in the fall of 1993 (I will never forget this!) I said to myself, “fuck it… what the hell am I doing making excuses for myself?”
I Pushed!
I asked myself one question. That question was, “how do I solve this problem, the fear of speaking”? The answer… by throwing myself into the dungeon of my own fears! I somehow got involved with a great organization called the Elks of Canada. They were planning a conference in the late fall 1993. This conference was for new parents of hearing impaired kids. I called up the organizer and said, I want to volunteer… and I want to speak! It turned out that they were looking for young hearing impaired adults to be on a panel to talk about their experiences growing up hearing impaired. They wanted this panel to enlighten the 500+ parents that attended this conference and to share the good, the bad and the ugly! So off I went to this conference with my dad to talk about my life. I was only 15 years old and I remember sitting on this podium in a cool “celebrity-like” chair staring down at some 500 parents who were chomping at the bit to learn about what life will be like for their young hearing impaired kids. The panel lasted about an hour. The structure was pretty simple… the organizer moderated and asked specific questions and we would take the mic and answer them. About half way through someone in the audience asked a question. The question was, “what suggestions do we have for parents”? I was last to answer, and the previous 3 panellists talked about pretty specific things, and my response was… “keep in mind that just because your child is hearing impaired and life may be a bit more difficult doesn’t mean they are unable”! This opened up the floodgates to questions about this comment.
The Light Went On For Me
It was at this very point that I realized that I had a special gift. I stayed for 2+ hours after the conference ended to speak directly with parents. I even scheduled 1 on 1 meetings with handfuls of parents to speak directly to their kids to encourage them, spark interest and help build confidence. I was loving this! I’m not sure if it was the attention I was getting or the fact that I was making a huge difference in so many lives. I’m sure the former had some impact but as a naturally giving person I knew that helping others was what I really enjoyed.
Everything Changed
By no means was life easy from this point on because I believe that life is never easy, regardless of how successful you may be. There is no such thing as, “oh it will get easier if I just get through this, or that”! Life is a constant battle that throws many curveballs and challenges at you, and it’s really up to you to figure them out and thrive. I still struggle to this very day with my hearing loss and being able to hear enough to actively contribute to whatever I am doing. I also still struggle with my speech, and will always until the day I die. Sure I have done countless speaking engagements and will likely do many more but people have no idea how much I struggle to do well. Regardless of everything I still believe that I can compete, and win against my peers that do not have hearing impairments. People often tell me that they never knew I had a hearing loss until I tell them… my response? I just roll my eyes…. only if they knew!
:)
The Moral of the Story!
My brain works well, as do all of the other functions within my body to succeed in life. The only thing that is a bit of an issue are my ears! But, it doesn’t mean I sit in the corner and cry poor me and consider myself the follower. I have many creative ideas, am extremely passionate about what I do and try to enjoy life to the fullest. People tell me that they find it astounding that I have achieved success… my immediate reaction (that I keep to myself) is, “well would you rather me just be ordinary and coast in life?” Forget it… I have dreams like everyone else on this planet and I’m not afraid to try and make them reality. I can do, and I WILL do…. nothing will stop me unless I stop myself!


